Wednesday, 24 April 2013


I often wonder about my dreams, they vary from the odd to the frankly disturbing.
Since being young I have had the same recurring dream which in family shorthand became "Squish" where I travel down a conveyor belt get squished by a number of different plates and eventually get turned into a bowling ball. Bowled down a bowling alley and I'm still aware at this point I would be watched scooting down the alley by a little old lady at a table complete with doilies. I've had this dream maybe a couple of times a month for as long as I remember.

That aside my dream last night was frankly freaky and ridiculous. In some weird Lolita/Sci-Fi crossover I inhabited the body of a boarding school girl and also of Leonard Nemoy's Spock who was a teacher at said boarding school. From the Lolita reference, I bet you can guess where this is going....
So I am playing both parts in this dream remember, the girl is madly in love with her teacher and the Spock/teacher is strangely attracted to this girl. In the course of the dream Spock/teacher gets injured (his back I think) and is laying in the infirmary wing of the school when the girl sneaks in to see him. She assumes he's asleep laying on his front and so undresses to lay in the bed with him. He isn't, in fact, asleep, but pretends to be to see what the girl will do. So here I am, both this teenage girl (a hot bed of sexual desire, hormones and self importance - I remember) and also a teacher who looks and sounds like Spock. The teacher doesn't stir as she climbs in bed and so she's emboldened and naked climbs onto his back. She's laid with her breasts touching his shoulders, but otherwise flat, non sexual along his back.  Teacher/Spock is stirred by this and speaks to her, I can't remember the conversation but it ended with the girl saying "Yes, but I know you want me laid her. I'm making your back better." The two begin a relationship. Er, this is a sexy part of the dream, which I'm not going to write out on here. Not in detail anyway.
Time jump and the relationship has been discovered, the girl has been expelled and the teacher/Spock fired and the girl introduces him to her family - which are Dutch. Food is served at a tense dinner table with teacher/Spock giving a blessing beforehand which ends "Live long, and prosper" of course  the mother serves teacher/Spock a hearty meal from one of these funny looking serving dishes but the rest of the family gets a rather poorer meal of just potatoes and vegetables. 
Somewhere around here the dream ended, but it's probably the strangest one I've had in a while.

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Really, don't call me baby.

Being on a dating website has helped me really realise something. It's a little unsurprising to those people who know me but I am actually getting angry about it. Ok, here goes.
I hate pet names.
This isn't so arbitrary that I hate it when my friends call each other cherry-pie and similar, they're my friends, they know me very well indeed, we have a habit of making up the most ridiculous ones possible ("How're are you today my apple strudle?") they're usually dessert related too, which is funny. 
Also not included is in shops, a sales assistant/cashier calling you 'love' isn't really a pet name it's more a substitution for the words "You're a pain in the arse and I hate you, stop making a fucking fuss" or thoughts to that effect. I'm guilty of this myself when serving a particularly irritating person I make a point of being as super helpful and irritatingly chirpy just to slowly drive them insane. But this also means I understand when someone in a shop does it, I don't hate them for it. 
he (Lee) used to call me Miss _________  using my surname which I quite like because it was genuinely affectionate and just a little bit naughty.
But..oh but, the messages I get on this website plus normal communication with people I don't really know I get called sweetie, cutie, honey. If any of them knew me they wouldn't call me that - because I'm none of those things. I'm grumpy, vain, selfish and inconstant. Bitch would be a better pet name, although I'd be pretty pissed at that too.
Before I would just ignore it, pretend they weren't assuming they could use terms of affection with me but now I'm calling people out on it. They seem confused, one even stupidly told my he was doing it to be 'different', no pal, you're not being different you're being just like everyone else. You're being stupid, unimaginative, overly friendly and frankly assuming that because I'm on a dating website I'm desperate for love and affection. I'm not, I just like going on dates.
In discussion with the fabulous GG our motto for dating would be "turn up, eat everything, fuck off" I stand by this.
I think I remember wrestler calling me baby once, but it wasn't really as a pet name he'd probably just forgotten my real name for a moment. I called him out on it either way.
So seriously, unless it's a pet name that's actually  come out of knowing me. Really.
Really. Don't call me baby.